No nonsense wall-writings of an "AnJOLINA" Jolie fan and a Catholic school-girl gone bad. Both live in a world of endless changes joined by common ideals and opinions regarding things--bitchy, stupid and real.
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This is where you stick random tidbits of information about yourself.
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Letters from the Fishbowl
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Friday, August 10, 2001
Unexpected
Daniel, have you been checking our wacky highschool yahoogroups? If you are then you probably chanced upon the posts regarding Professor Delos Santos' having breast cancer. If not, get out from under that goddamn rock and listen to me!!!! Yes, our "beloved" Ma'am Delo (Canterbury Tales, Geoffrey Chaucer, English Lit pain in the butt) has the Big C. So surprising no? My mom actually emailed me about it and they found out accidentally because she wrote an article for the Inquirer (remember that column Highblood?) Anyway, here to save you the time and effort of using Inquirer's useless (read:walang kwenta) search facility, here it is:
Battling the Big C
By Felicia V. delos Santos
NEVER did I imagine that at any moment in my life I would be confronted by a dreaded disease like cancer. But here I am, sick and suffering and struck down with the Big C. Yes, breast cancer.
When my husband died of cancer some three years ago, I vowed that I wouldn’t let myself go through the devastating effects of the disease because after the operation, you don’t really have any life at all. Might as well sleep to death and forget about life. What quality of life would one expect when you are tied down to a forest of crisscrossing tubes and IVs with high sounding medicines, the costs of which soar to high heavens and you worry day and night where the next money would come to buy them?
And the cure remains as iffy as ever? So, never mind.
And so, here I am, devastated, bedridden and shockingly in pain. What a sorry state--Stage 3. So, the good doctor says one has to go through the six cycles of chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation and what else. God, what suffering is this? I am not sure what to think. In my pensive and prayerful moment, I tell God, ‘‘Okay, just a few years more and I’m ready to let Death take its course.’’
There’s joy in the thought that I would be joining my husband wherever he is. Just don’t make me suffer so much pain. I would smile and think--what a brave pronouncement. What is there to look forward to?
I have fulfilled myself. I have gone places. I have done my duties to my four children. As for my 11 grandchildren, I would just look down from wherever I am and smile when I see that they have grown to be good men and women. I have served the university well for 41 years and touched so many lives in my career as a teacher--students, friends, relatives and even enemies. I must say to myself--really, I have lived a meaningful life. Perhaps, God would give me a little like sparing me a few years and letting me enjoy what life has to offer still.
When I left for the United States two months ago as an immigrant, the lump was already there. Of course, the usual attitude of ignoring and not thinking about it was there. It couldn’t be. Hoping to find my corner of the world in the United States I tried to seek what most Filipinos try to find--their American dream--better opportunities and material wealth. But the problem would not go away. Alone and lonely, I decided to come home to my country after two months of stay in the United States. Never mind the social security. Forget about the 21 years of waiting for a visa.
Erase the humiliation and loss of pride going through a medical checkup. Never mind the worries and anxieties of going through the immigration line. There is no place like home when one is sick. I need my family. So, now, I am down and out and wait for what tomorrow will bring. Is there a future for a victim of cancer like me? What quality of life awaits me? God only knows. At this point, I beg God to please take care of me.
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Felicia V. delos Santos, 66, is a retired teacher of the UP Integrated School. She has worked for the university for 41 years.
4:02:00 PM
Australia Sucks, Big Time
Have I ever told you that the Land of Oz just doesn't do it for me? Why oh why did I ever decide to move to a land where:
a.) get all excited by shouting "aussie! aussie! aussie! oi!oi!oi!" (pssst....oi, kita panty mo!) hwahahahahahaha!
b.) think that "throwing a prawn on the barbie" is fun? sinigang is the way to go with prawns, man!
c.) it seems as if the only clothing stores around are Billabong, Roxy, Rip Curl, Quiksilver and Rusty
d.) there's no isaw, fishball, sweet corn, sago&gulaman, zagu, turon, bibingka and itlog na maalat
e.) you can't buy by tingi. man, i swear it screws up the kuripot in me.....
Have I told you that I've been having second thoughts about moving back to Australia? That I might just suddenly call you on your mobile phone and you'll suddenly hear me and see that i'm calling you from a fucking PLDT payphone near AS101?
4:23:00 AM
Just the two of Us?
Well, I must admit that I would feel better if I knew that it wasn't just the two of us reading this blog. But at the same time I'm secretly hoping that if there are other people reading this blog, I hope that I don't know them, and they don't know me. Cos they might think that I really am a bad, bad girl.
4:17:00 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2001
Reply of the Fucked Up Guy to the Diluted Little Bitch from Down Under
Well, I am not so sure if anyone besides the two of us can read our blog entries. Why ask? This is an open for everyone site so I think some people manage to get a glimpse or two to what we crazy freaks are posting here...unfortunate for them they can't post back if we suck or if they find us FUN! Admit it, the title of the blog before was quite intriguing. Maybe they thought this is the blog site of two people smoking joint and sharing experiences as they get high or post their hallucinating-God-damned-son-of-bitch stories. Hehehehehe
Sorry kiddies, this ain't the site. This is a site dedicated to absolute bitching around...so get out of our way! *Singing it to the tune of Kylie's ultra ass gyrating, butt-cheek peeping, anorexically thin body, song*
About your blogs dearie...shame on you for killling Bambi! And who gave you the right to call her as such? She deserved to have a more appropriate name such as Precious or something cheekier. LOL. Grabe...once in yor life you did manage to kill one defenseless animal trying to cross the damned highway to go to a warm hime wherein she'll probably nurse her....shit, I'm losing the moment--ano tawag sa mga baby deer? Basta yun! Pero it was an accident so you're vindicated! Now, she's in deer heaven...where all good and noble deers go. Or she must be nesteld at Geia...LOL
The money thing--yeah ang hirap gastusin the money that you earned! As in super kuripot ka talaga and madamot! Baka it only happens for people earning not enough? In my case, I find my suweldo small although it should be enough for me. You know me, I'm magastos so it's kulang. Everyone aspires to earn big but I think I find my suweldo maliit. Ha! Well, I still manage to buy things I like (EXCEPT FOR THE FREAKIN' PALM!) and do the things I adore and still be happy. *The Daniel gives you a grin*
I dunno who the Maxwell you are talking about. I know a Maxwell who derived equations in Physics but I doubt if he's the one. LOL Nikki, I have an idea who will buy you a free ticket...PAL pa ha to get home. Go to the Philippine consul! Dress up really in tattered clothes then look all bruised-up and abused tapos tell them you were maltreated by your amos there kasi you were a longkatuts or you were a sex-slave in Australia. You'd be coming home in no time, instant celebrity ka pa...pang-tabloid nga lang. Plus, hihimatayin nanay mo kung nabalitaan niya yun...which is highly probable! LOL And Vic del Rosario would probably come up to you and buy your rights to make it into a movie--ang title, NICA: Saan ka Pupulutin? May subtitle pa--Lord, bigyan mo ako ng Mabuhay Class na ticket sa PAL pauwi! O diba? Hehehehehe
I've been telling you I want the Moulin Rouge OST, I still haven't got it yet. I can't find time to go to the mall! Siyet!
I'll still have a pretty-fucking day so I'll get there early so I can really cherish these fucking people who makes my life HELL! Don't worry, I bite back! Even to my boss! Buwahahahahahaha!
5:27:00 PM
Isa Pang Hirit!
OK, I'll make the most out of it while I'm on a roll......I bought Maxwell's MTV Unplugged CD last week (it was on sale, shit! why is it that if it's my mom's money I spend like there's no tomorrow but if it's mine I just go shrivel up in a corner and be a friggin' kuripot?<i>) Anyway, it was just $15.00, pero man, it was worth it! Just hearing his voice again brought me back to my room which I miss so much I would volunteer to not speak a mean word for an entire day (which, may I say is just plain IMPOSSIBLE) if there was anyone with a big wallet and a golden heart and a stupid mind who'd give me a one way ticket to Manila.
I was so boplaks to leave behind my MAxwell CD so hearing him sing Whenever Wherever Whatever live is just THE next best thing.
And I heard that song Deep by Binocular/s or whatever it is they're called. Yeah, it's cool. Like Superman is it? by Five for something-or-another. *sigh* I'm losing my musical edge.....it just means that music in Australia SUCKS! hahaha. It's all garbage, with that stupid girl Nikki Webster (how unfortunate we share the same name) who sang in the opening ceremony of the Olympics spewing out songs which could rival Britney Spears' in terms of ickiness, and those popstars.....schmopstars. They're all the same, look good, can dance, can't sing.
I got Dido's album na rin pala, safe to say I felt eerily at peace after listening to it. Oh no, better stick to the Tomb Raider OST. Get your freak on....for chrissakes' daniel! I lost my freak! I've got to get my freak back! (OK, OK, I'll stop before I ruin this blog and you start accusing me of being a demented woman).
3:34:00 AM
THE BITCH IS ALIVE!
er, yeah. I am.....or so I think so. After a hellish day at work, I think I managed to scrape myself off the photocopier and go home so yeah, um, I'm alive. It was my turn today as the "adcopy girl". Stupid me to have relied on my goody-two-shoes instinct and actually volunteered to do that pathetic job! I was just trying to help out an officemate who was supposed to do the adcopies today but because she was just majorly swamped with work, sige na nga, I'll do it na lang for you. Ayan, I got stuck doing that for almost the entire day. Nikki, you screwed up, BIG TIME, by being nice. Where's the bitch? where's the bitch? OK, when I got home, closed the door to my room, freaked out at the sight of myself on the mirror (with newsprint everywhere!!!!!) and hurled all possible swear words at my reflection....yes, I realized that the bitch in me is still alive. Thank God it is or I swear, I will want the fucking earth to swallow me na because there's simply no fun in NOT being a bitch.
OK, so that's it. Enough of that....hahaha, I feel like I just did a monologue inside William J Shaw Theatre and bowing when the lights go on and realize there's just one person in the audience...YOU. Honestly Danes, may iba bang nagbabasa ng blog natin?
3:23:00 AM
Tuesday, August 07, 2001
RANTS OF A FUCKED UP MIND!
I am having a pretty fucked up day now... I am so fucked and my life is so fucked up! This is such a fucking life to live!
To everyone I'll be meeting in the next few hours...fuck you all! In all the events that will transpire connected to me, fuck you too! And for all things that in doing so will go against my way, fuck you also! This is a fucking entry from a pretty fucked up guy. That guy happens to be ME! Fuck you!
Putashit! I failed to watch Sex and the City last night!
7:16:00 PM
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